The "Invisible Suitcase" - Part 2

The Invisible Suitcase is a collection of a child's beliefs about how the world works.[1]

In my last post, I introduced the topic of the "Invisible Suitcase." This suitcase is the collection of beliefs that one has about the world, caregivers, and themselves. In the case of traumatized children, this case is often filled with negative beliefs that have been gained through experience.

These negative beliefs that fill the child's suitcase seep into every aspect of a child's life. Because this suitcase is so integrated into the life of the child, it makes sense that it travels with the child anywhere they go.

Today, we are going to investigate what is called the "Reenactment Cycle" and explore how understanding the beliefs packed into the invisible suitcase can help caregivers identify the root cause of behaviors.

Reenactment is the process of recreating old relationships with new people. This process happens when kids behave in ways that evoke the same reactions from their current caregivers as other adults. The reactions from caregivers can be familiar - and provide some sense of normalcy - even if the reactions are negative.

Reenactment Cycle - Adapted from Delaney, 1998 [2]

Why does this happen? The Invisible Suitcase contains essentially the worldview of the child. "No one loves me." So, some event happens, or a behavior escalates that tests the patience of the caregiver - and the caregiver reacts negatively. This creates a reenactment scenario where the caregiver has, for example gotten mad and yelled. The reaction from the caregiver proves, in the child's mind, that they are unlovable, which further solidifies the themes in the Invisible Suitcase.

It's a devastating circle.The Invisible Suitcase says "You're just going to give up on me or hurt me like everyone else, so let's just get this over with." A child will ratchet up the behaviors just waiting for the caregiver to react - and prove them right. Sadly, most caregivers do exactly that. They give up.

Understandable, right? Absolutely - if you don't know about the child's invisible suitcase.

The good news is there is hope. We can help kids unpack their Invisible Suitcase - and repack it with the truth. It takes patience - but in the end - the work is worth it.

More on that next time.

Words of Wisdom
It's important to remember that even though you are the "target" of the behavior - the behavior is almost certainly not about you. It's not personal. It's about the kids processing what is in their Invisible Suitcase - and working very hard to make sense of the world.

References
[1] This graphic was borrowed from a presentation by NCTSC. titled Caring for Children who have experienced Trauma - A Workshop for Parents. http://www.nctsc.org
[2] Delaney, Richard, (1998) Fostering Changes: Treating Attachment-Disordered Foster Children. 2nd Edition, Oklahoma City, OK; Wood 'N' Barnes Publishing.

The "Invisible Suitcase"

I've heard it so many times, it drives me crazy. "Think of all the baggage those kids bring with them." Or, "I'd rather adopt a baby because they won't have as much baggage."

Have you ever heard that? What were your thoughts when you heard that? Did it resonate with you?

Children who have been through trauma take their invisible suitcases with them to school, into the community, everywhere they go. They have learned through painful experience that it is not safe to trust or believe in others, and that is it best not to give relationships a chance.

It is true, kids who deal with the effects of trauma do have baggage. We call it the "Invisible Suitcase." Everyone has one. Not just kids who have been hurt.

Here's the idea. Every person carries around a suitcase that is packed to the brim. In it are folded the beliefs we have - about ourselves, our friends, our caretakers, the world around us. In most cases, those beliefs are extremely positive.

We have a good outlook on life - are generally optimistic about our future. The world is a generally good place - yeah, there's some aspects of it that are totally screwed up, but in my corner of the world, it's pretty good.

But kids who have experienced trauma come with an Invisible Suitcase that is dramatically different than ours. For children who have experienced trauma - particularly complex trauma - they come with a suitcase that is often filled with overwhelming negative beliefs and experiences. [1]

These suitcases can contain beliefs like "I'm not worth loving." Or, "I'm not a safe person." Or, "I'm powerless." Or, "I'm just a body for people to hurt." They also contain beliefs about caregivers and world - "The world isn't safe." "Adults can't be trusted." "Police and Social Workers only want to break up families."

Beliefs like these are not simply passing - no, they are dug in - core beliefs that have formed the worldview of the kids who hold them. It's important to remember that we didn't create this suitcase. Often, they didn't create this suitcase by choice.

Oh - and they don't leave this suitcase at home when they leave for school - or go with you to the store - or go to see the doctor - or...

This suitcase is their companion - the one thing that remains constant for them. And - in time - in their experience - everyone they encounter proves that what is in their suitcase belongs there.

But, that doesn't mean there isn't hope. We can work to help them re-pack.

We will spend the next several posts discussing the reenactment cycle, and how to re-pack the suitcase.

References

1. The Invisible Suitcase: Behavioral Challenges of Traumatized Children - http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/cwt3_sho_suitcase.pdf