The "Invisible Suitcase"

I've heard it so many times, it drives me crazy. "Think of all the baggage those kids bring with them." Or, "I'd rather adopt a baby because they won't have as much baggage."

Have you ever heard that? What were your thoughts when you heard that? Did it resonate with you?

Children who have been through trauma take their invisible suitcases with them to school, into the community, everywhere they go. They have learned through painful experience that it is not safe to trust or believe in others, and that is it best not to give relationships a chance.

It is true, kids who deal with the effects of trauma do have baggage. We call it the "Invisible Suitcase." Everyone has one. Not just kids who have been hurt.

Here's the idea. Every person carries around a suitcase that is packed to the brim. In it are folded the beliefs we have - about ourselves, our friends, our caretakers, the world around us. In most cases, those beliefs are extremely positive.

We have a good outlook on life - are generally optimistic about our future. The world is a generally good place - yeah, there's some aspects of it that are totally screwed up, but in my corner of the world, it's pretty good.

But kids who have experienced trauma come with an Invisible Suitcase that is dramatically different than ours. For children who have experienced trauma - particularly complex trauma - they come with a suitcase that is often filled with overwhelming negative beliefs and experiences. [1]

These suitcases can contain beliefs like "I'm not worth loving." Or, "I'm not a safe person." Or, "I'm powerless." Or, "I'm just a body for people to hurt." They also contain beliefs about caregivers and world - "The world isn't safe." "Adults can't be trusted." "Police and Social Workers only want to break up families."

Beliefs like these are not simply passing - no, they are dug in - core beliefs that have formed the worldview of the kids who hold them. It's important to remember that we didn't create this suitcase. Often, they didn't create this suitcase by choice.

Oh - and they don't leave this suitcase at home when they leave for school - or go with you to the store - or go to see the doctor - or...

This suitcase is their companion - the one thing that remains constant for them. And - in time - in their experience - everyone they encounter proves that what is in their suitcase belongs there.

But, that doesn't mean there isn't hope. We can work to help them re-pack.

We will spend the next several posts discussing the reenactment cycle, and how to re-pack the suitcase.

References

1. The Invisible Suitcase: Behavioral Challenges of Traumatized Children - http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/cwt3_sho_suitcase.pdf